Forgotten

Sometimes I feel forgotten abou,t like if I would just disappear it would not bother anyone-now I know my family would miss me and my BFF Ro and of course Brian and the kids. But would anyone else? I am not planning on going anywhere but I am starting to question how important I am in other's lives. Besides the above mentioned people I do not think I would even be a second thought in anyone's head. I always feel like the outsider-always looking in. I struggle to make friends, and yes I have tried. Joined groups and just never "clicked" with anyone or found a BFF. I do not have anyone I can call up and just go do things with, Brian and I do not have any couple friends to hang out with. Makes me feel lonely, like there is something wrong with me. I see others from the same groups pair up and such but I/we are always left behind. I feel like we are good people and I go out of my way to do things for others but feel like no one does that for me/us (besides Roanna and Tim). It sucks feeling like an after thought. It sucks being lonely. It sucks not being able to call someone up and meet them for drinks. It will truely just be Brian and I growing old together...but a little companionship would also be nice.....

pause

been a long pause since my last post! many times i thought about coming back and posting something but never did (obviously).

Many things have gone on since the last time. Wyatt was born, many stresses we have dealt with, and adjusting to our life as a family of 6.

I struggle daily with some aspect of my life. I probably should go to the dr but I do not have one anymore as mine disappeared.

I would love to find more patience with the children and also would like to be a better house keeper. I am extremely jealous of woman having babies! I would love to be pregnant again but never will again for my health. I miss seeing the + pregnancy test, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, feeling the baby move, and seeing and hearing the baby for the first time. It is best the decision was taken out of our hands and I think I would try and convince Brian to keep having babies and our level of stress, money, and time is maxed with 4. But I miss it all! It makes me so sad.

I am stressed about Brian finding a job, and taking his cert tests-which are about $350 a piece for a total of $700! That is a lot of jack, especially when you have nothing coming in.

We have also been very blessed. Our children are healthy. Evelyn is doing well in school, Joe is out of First Steps and gaining weight and back on whole milk. Kylie is my huge helper and Wyatt is into everything! But you cannot get mad at him because he just grins at you! The kids were approved for insurance for another year which was a HUGE relief, and we have money left over from the buyout to hopefully get us by until Brian gets a job. We were rearended last month but luckily everyone was fine and his insurance took care of everything. I am going to try and be better at blogging and hopefully making this page a little prettier.

Until then here is a picture of the kids together! I sure do love them!